Moving Beyond Your Control Issues

Moving Beyond Your Control Issues

Are Control Issues Making Your Life Hard?


People who have control issues typically are doing this based on a fear that they have; fear of losing control, fear of vulnerability, fear that they will have to trust that others will come through for them. This fear can be crippling to the person with these issues. It often times destroys relationships, ruins opportunities and limits who and what the person surrounds themselves with.

These control issues are usually seen in people who have had a lack of control, has had disruptions, chaos, abandonment, or trauma in their childhood. This doesn’t mean it can’t appear from situations as an adult.

How can counseling help?

Counseling helps the person process the need for control. We look into what is causing the need to control. We address the underlining emotions, thoughts and feelings surrounding the control and develop strategies to cope with this.

What can I do right now to help myself?

Since we know that control is based of the emotion of fear most of the time, we can try to learn to trust that we will be okay no matter what the outcome will be in any given situation. By doing this, you are allowing yourself to have many positive moments and that we wouldn’t have gotten while we were attached to the certain outcome we wanted.

Another step is to start being self-aware. That means stop blaming and really look at your behavior, your actions, your tone, and your words. Know who you are, what your habits are and how that affects your everyday life and the people surrounding you.

Ask yourself these questions to continue to think about how control is effecting your life:

  1. What would letting go/ not having control mean to you? Freedom, prison, hope?
  2. What are you afraid of in terms of not being in control?
  3. What are you trying to control? Is it something that you can really control or is it something that you really have no control over like someone else’s decision?
  4. Do you become angry, irritable, or anxious when someone or something makes you late, when things don’t start on time, or things don’t go according to plan?
  5. Do you find it difficult to admit making mistakes, being wrong or misinformed about something, or acknowledging that you’ve changed your mind?
  6. Do you dislike depending on others, accepting help from them, or allowing them to do things for you?


If you feel like you may have some control issues and it’s effecting your life, please contact us at 303-353-9226 or to schedule an appointment with a therapist who can help you process this.


By: Jessica Edmonds, MA, LPC